giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
