Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
