omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
