Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
