Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
