I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
