Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
