Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to calm my uterus...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
