when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
