There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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