i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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