I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
