I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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