I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All I want is dick and wine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
