sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
