She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
