I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
