Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
