yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
