a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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