I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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