my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
