I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
