I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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