You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
