the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
