I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
