some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
