I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
