clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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