I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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