btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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