Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
