You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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