"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
