just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your cock deserves a montage
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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