new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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