Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She bit a glass in half.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life is pants optional.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
