It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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