Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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