Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still dying that you shit outside
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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