spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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