Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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