My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
