Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
