he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
