Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
