I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
