Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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