U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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