The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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